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RED KEYCHAIN LASER POINTER
(UK-LEGAL)

Red Keychain Laser Pointer (UK-legal), retail $TBA
Manufactured by (Unknown)
Last updated 09-11-10

This is a red diode laser pointer that fits on your keychain.
I believe this laser pointer was being advertised as a 660nm unit; when it was spectrographically measured, it came in at 660.90nm -- basically right on the money -- diode lasers generally have a tolerance of +-10nm.

Power output is just 626.0µW (0.6260mW), making it a CDRH Class II device that's legal to own and use in the UK (United Kingdom), where laser pointers for public use are limited to power levels of under 1mW.

Like many other "keychain pointer"-style lasers, it comes in a metal body with what I believe is a baked enamel grey finish, and feeds from three LR44 button cells held in its barrel.

This unit may actually be missing some parts; the "business-end" is threaded as if a cap or holographic pattern gratings are supposed to screw onto the unit there.

Size of product w/hand to show scale

SIZE

To use this product, just press & hold down the button on the barrel...a cornucopia of red photons will spew forth from the end as long as this button is held down.

To stop the red laser beam, just let up on the button...yes folks, it's really that easy.

This laser pointer requires three LR44 button cells, which are included in the package so you don't need to run to the store right away.

To change them, unscrew and remove the tailcap, dash it to the floor, and stomp on it with waffle stompers (or old / used bowling shoes if you have them)...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead.

Tip the open end of the laser pointer into your hand, and dispose of or recycle the three button cells that come out as you see fit.

Stack three new LR44 button cells on top of one another on a table, countertop, or other flat surface, button-end (-) negative facing up. Lower the laser pointer over this stack so all three cells are in the barrel. Slide the assembly to the edge of whatever surface you're reloading the pointer on, and place your finger over the laser pointer's opening as you slide it over the edge, so all those batteries don't just clatter to the floor. Invert (flip over) the laser pointer now, so the open end of the barrel faces up. Remove your finger. Screw the tailpiece back on, and be done with it.
Aren't you glad you didn't stomp on that tailcap now?

Not able to measure current usage due to how the product was constructed.

This instrument is reasonably durable, but because it is a laser, I won't do the smack test on it. I know you love to see me break things, but ain't gonna happen today, folks.

This is also not a flashlight meant to be used every bloody day, thrashed, trashed, and abused, I won't try to drown it in the toliet tank, bash it against a steel rod or against the concrete floor of a front porch in effort to try and expose the bare Metalmarineangemon - er - the bare Metaltaomon - um that's not it either...the bare Metaljustimon...er...uh...wait a sec here...THE BARE METAL (guess I've been watching too much Digimon again!

- now I'm just making {vulgar term for caca} up!!!), let my mother's big dog's ghost or my sister's kitty cats spring a leak (uranate) on it, hose it down with a gun, run over it with a 450lb Celebrity motorised wheelchair, stomp on it, use a medium ball peen hammer in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoñata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (I guess I've been watching the TV program "Viva Piñata" too much again

- candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piñata Central {aka. "Party Central"}), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoñata (also located at Piñata Central) is only used to shoot piñatas to piñata parties away from picturesque Piñata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piñata Island), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or perform other indecencies on it that a flashlight might have to have performed on it. So this section of the web page will be ***SIGNIFICANTLY*** more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight that was born to be a flashlight and nothing but a flashlight.

Water-resistance is minimal at best. When the business-end was suctioned, air had no problems whatsoever passing through it. So please try not to drop it in creeks, rivers, ponds, lakes, oceansides, docksides, puddles of siamese cat pee (what - no cat box?), slush piles, mud puddles, tubs, toilet bowls, cisterns, sinks, fishtanks, dog water dishes, or other places where water or water-like liquids might be found.

If it fell in water and you suspect it got flooded, disassemble it as you would for a battery change, dump out the water if necessary, and set the parts in a warm dry place for a couple of days or so just to be sure it's completely dry inside before you reassemble and use it again.

If it fell into seawater, got thrown into a glass of milk, if it fell in a root beer float, if somebody squirted a Massengill brand post-menstrual disposable douche or a Fleet brand disposable enema at it (and hit it with the douche or the enema), or if somebody or something got "pist off" at it and subsequently "pyst"

on it, rinse all the parts out with fresh water before setting them out to dry. You don't want your Red Keychain Laser Pointer to smell like seaweed, sour milk, flowers, fresh butts, or rotten piss when you go to use it next. Besides, salt (from seawater, disposable douches, disposable enemas, or uranation), lactic acid (from moo juice), glycerol (from antifreeze), or sugar (from root beer & ice cream) can't be very good for the insides.

Beam photograph on the test target at 12".
Measures 626.0µW (0.6260mW) on a Sper Scientific Pocket Laser Power Meter # 840011.

Product is labelled properly for power output;
the label states "<1mW" and this unit actually outputs a bit less than 0.63mW.

Beam photograph on a wall at ~10 feet.

Those colored graphics toward the left are my "Viva Piñata" posters, and that clock on the right that looks like a gigantic wristwatch is my Infinity Optics Clock.
You may also be able to see two of my SpongeBob SquarePants plush (Squidward Tentacles & Patrick Star) and a Digimon plush (Greymon)

Spectrographic analysis of the laser diode in this laser pointer.

Spectrographic analysis of the laser diode in this laser pointer; spectrometer's response narrowed to a range between 655nm and 675nm to pinpoint peak wavelength; which appears to be 660.90nm.

USB2000 spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.

ProMetric analysis

Beam cross-sectional analysis (X-axis).

ProMetric analysis

Beam cross-sectional analysis (Y-axis).

Image made using the ProMetric System by Radiant Imaging.

TEST NOTES:
Test unit was obtained quite a few years ago (possibly in 2001 or 2002), and turned up on 09-08-10 (or "08 Sep 2010" if you prefer) while I was looking for another product that required spectroscopy.

UPDATE: 00-00-00

PROS:
Product is labelled properly for power output (CDRH Class II range)
Because of the sub-1mW power, it can legally be used in the UK
Handy-dandy keychain-size makes it easy to carry and deploy

CONS:
Batteries it uses could be expen$ive and/or difficult to locate on short notice

Unknown

UK-legal keychain-style red laser pointer

Laser diode

Very narrow spot

Momentary pushbutton on/off on barrel

Metal

Metal; laser diode ass'y recessed into a hosel for it

3x LR44 button cells

Unknown/unable to measure

Very light splatter-resistant at maximum

NO WAY HOZAY!!!

Not known

70mm L x 14mm Dia.

Unable to weigh

Unknown

Product appears to be incomplete (missing one or more components), so I cannot in good conscience furnish it with a "star" rating.

Red Keychain Laser Pointer (UK-legal) *

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