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HALLOWEEN SIMULATION KEROSENE LAMP

Halloween Simulation Kerosene Lamp, retail $6.96
Manufactured by (Unknown)
Last updated 10-06-21

The Halloween Simulation Kerosene Lamp (hereafter just called a lamp or a lantern) is a small decorative, seasonal (Halloween in this case) lamp that can add life to any Halloween party.

It operates from a trio of LR44 button cells, and has a remarkably potent orange LED at its heart.

The outer "glass" (actually plastic) panels are decorated with Halloween-themed graphics, and the unit itself can be placed on a table or hung from its surprisingly generously-sized hanging loop

Size of product w/hand to show scale

SIZE

To use the lamp, turn it upside-down and firmly (but at least somewhat carefully) pull out and remove the plastic tab, then dispose of it properly. This tab is an insulator and is designed to prevent the lantern from accidentally activating during storage or transport, thusly ruining the batteries.

Slide the black slide switch until it no longer moves to turn the LED on.

Place the lamp on a table, a windowsill, or in Halloween decorations.

Slide the same switch in the opposite direction to neutralise the LED when you are finished using the lamp.

To change the batteries, turn the product upside-down. You'll see a rectangular battery door. Lift up and remove the battery door. Carry it to the nearest graveyard, and huck it into an open grave so that the yucky, rotting stinky zombies find it, become angry at it, stomp on it, and possibly even go poddy on it...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead. screw

In the chamber you just exposed to atmosphere

, you'll see three LR44 button cells. Remove them and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit.

Insert three new LR44 button cells, orienting them so that their flat-ends (+) positives face the spring.

Place the battery door back on.
Aren't you glad that you didn't chuck that battery door into the graveyard amongst all those smelly zombies with full bladders now?

This is a decorative light, not a flashlight meant to be thrashed, trashed, and abused. So I won't try to drown it in the toliet tank, bash it against a steel rod or against the concrete floor of a driveway in effort to try and expose the bare Metalguilmon - er - the bare Metalguardramon - um that's not it either...the bare Metalterriermon...mmm...the bare Metalkyubimon...er...uh...wait a sec here...THE BARE METAL (guess I've been watching too much Digimon again!

- now I'm just making {vulgar term for feces} up!!!)...O WAIT!!! WHERE'S THE METAL?!?

, let my landlady's dalmatian doggos piddle (uranate) on it, hose it down with my mother's gun, run over it with a 450lb Quickie Pulse 6 motorised wheelchair, stomp on it, use a large carpenter's hammer (claw hammer) in order to bash it open to check it for candiosity, fire it from the cannoñata, drop it down the top of Mt. Erupto (now I guess I've been watching ***WAAAAAAYYYYY*** too much of the TV program “Viva Piñata” again!!!

- candiosity is usually checked with a laser-type device on a platform with a large readout (located at Piñata Central {aka. "Party Central”}), with a handheld wand that Langston Lickatoad uses, or with a pack-of-cards-sized device that Fergy Fudgehog uses; the cannoñata (also located at Piñata Central) is only used to shoot piñatas to piñata parties away from picturesque Piñata Island, and Mt. Erupto is an active volcano on Piñata Island), send it to the Daystrom Institute for additional analysis, or perform other indecencies on it that a flashlight might have to have performed on it.

Therefore, this section of the Halloween Simulation Kerosene Lamp's web page will seem a bit more bare than this section of the web page on a page about a flashlight that was born to be a flashlight and nothing but a flashlight.

Photograph of the product itself, illuminated of course.

Photograph of the product illuminating part of a kitchen counter.

Spectrographic analysis of the LED in this lantern.

Spectrographic analysis of the LED in this lantern; spectrometer's response narrowed to a band between 590nm and 610nm to pinpoint native emission peak wavelength, which is 599.300nm.

The raw spectrometer data (tab-delimited that can be loaded into Excel) is at hlant.txt

USB2000 Spectrometer graciously donated by P.L.

TEST NOTES:
Test sample was purchased on Ebay on 10-01-21 and was received on the afternoon of 10-04-21.

UPDATE: 00-00-00

PROS:
Good intensity for such an itty-bitty thing

NEUTRAL:

CONS:
Uses those stupid button cells for power; I don't anticipate a long battery life (this is, by far, what nocked the most stars off its rating)
Considerably smaller than the pictures on its Ebay listings made it look
Feels a bit chintzy (cheaply-made)

Unknown

Seasonal (Halloween) decorative lantern

Orange LED

N/A

Slide switch on/off on underside of product

Plastic

N/A

3x LR44 button cells

Unknown/unable to measure

Very light sprinkle-resistance at maximum

¡¡¡LA GRAN CALABAZA CAGANDO GRANDE GORDO EN PORCHE DE ALGÚN POBRE CABRÓN LUZ, NO!!!

Batteries

Unable to measure until my replacment caliper arrives in a few more "daze"

62g (2.186 oz.) incl. batteries

Unknown; though probably China

Unknown/not stated

Halloween Simulation Kerosene Lamp *

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